Music recommendation: Rachael Yamagata. Reminds me of something that I can't quite put my finger on.

Watch out. Emo post ahead.

Seriously, I'm warning you, you may not want to read this.

Ever had that feeling, at the end of the day, where you can't help but think to yourself, "Fuck, this can't be my life," and then have the inexplicable urge to crawl into a hole somewhere and wait for everything to stop or blow over? Yeah, that was me today.

I mean, true, our lives aren't easy, but when you're trying to please everyone all of the time, there's no time to just sit and relax. I'm not putting myself through all of this stuff for other people, am I? Or is this all something that I'm doing for myself?

Well now that all of that abstract crap is out of the way, let's get on with the story. I woke up a little to get to get coffee before class, so as expected, there was no high before the crash (kinda like _/\___). It was just flatline (more like _____). I'm really surprised that I made it through the day. So after two classes in which I fell asleep, next was lab, trying, once again, only not to fuck up too badly or to get in anyone's way. The problem with Fridays is that we have a group meeting around noon, which cuts into the middle of lab. And with the meetings lasting close to two hours, this lops off a significant portion of time to get anything done. Usually, this isn't a problem, I'd just stay a little later, until 6, maybe. But the kicker was that because of President's day weekend, the UA class had its meeting rescheduled for 4-6 on friday afternoon, when usually we meet on Mondays at 1-3. When I told my grad student about having to leave at 4, he responded, "Tell the class, 'Well fuck you.'" If it were any other class like a lecture, who knows, maybe I'd do just that. But for a class whose grade depends solely on attendance, I'd have to think about it. I mean, the class wouldn't be meeting if it wasn't important, right?
So at 4, I slip out, feeling guilty and nervous all at the same time, since my experiment was still running at the time. The good thing though, was that the class lasted for an hour fifteen, rather than the full two hours. I got back to lab at 5:20, thinking that the grad student would be pissed or something. I should probably have known this by now, but he doesn't give a shit. I don't think he gives a shit about anything. Whatever. So even after coming back, there's still not enough time to finish everything I was supposed to have finished, so I'm heading back during the weekend.
On the way home, I notice that something's going on inside of Pauley. It was some men's volleyball game. So I meander in, probably looking really lost and confused. I'm assuming that the lady at the door noticed this, and she must have felt sorry for me and told me to go in. Didn't even bother to check my ID, though I'm sure it was a safe assumption that I'm a student. I don't even like volleyball.
Rather than pay attention to the game (which I tried to, I really did), I just kind of stared off onto the court. The inside was really brightly lit, but you'd notice that only because there were so few spectators. During, say, a basketball game, the larger crowd would draw your attention from this fact. After the end of the second game, I walked home in the rain.

Quick update before the drudgery of the week commences

It's been a while, huh?

Oh well, what is there to say? School has been unbelievably busy, I'm tired all the time, and I wish I had more time to spend with the cool people all around me. I guess it only makes me appreciate these people more, I suppose.

So quick update:

RSS Retreat, Jan 20-22nd
A long, long drive up to Joshua Tree (29 Palms really, but who's keeping track?) but the trip was worth it. The unmarked, unpaved dirt road that led to the house was ridiculously difficult to find, but I'm glad everyone made it there and back in one piece. Rock climbing was kinda scary at times, but it was one of the most exhilarating things I've done in a while. (See Facebook or Flickr for pictures. There are a few kinda artistic (or wannabe artistic) shots to check out.) It's a bit scary that every other building in the town of 29 Palms was a military barbershop, and all fo the others were churches. Really now, how many people live in this little town to necessatate so many barbershops? And churches?

Yearbook Retreat, Jan 28
Sorry, don't have any pictures of the trip to Universal Studios, but perhaps it was all for the better. The rides themselves were alright (there were only three of them), but I guess it's to be expected with such a small theme park. The most intriguing parts of the park were the studio tours. There's an interesting dichotomy that the movie industry creates by trying to keep people in awe of the magical process of film making (you know, so that people continue to want to watch movies) yet at the same time trying to humanize the entire process to show that everything is just the figment of some special effect. By the end of the day, the latter sort of won out. Not that I've lost an appreciation for the tremendous amount of work that goes into film making, but more that I've lost the appreciation for the glamour and fame that the stars derive from such a simple, humble tradition of play-acting. I mean, in ye old, olde, olden days, acting certainly wasn't the noble profession that it is today. The whole trip kinda exposes the doldrum behind the smoke and mirrors, because, in a sense, actors are a lot like putty - molding and changing themselves to become the image of our collective imagination. Perhaps our existence is enriched by the presence of such cultural icons, but after all is said and done and the movie is over, there's still the drama, the sorrow, and the dulcet moments that unfold in our own lives.