In volatile market, only stable investment is porn!

Sadly, that probably isn't even true anymore.

I recently got into the stock market thinking that now is a good time to buy, in anticipation of the eventual recovery. And immediately lost $600. *Sad face* Things will get better though, right? ....right?

But young people need not worry, you see, since we're told that the prevailing trend is that the market will eventually go up, up, up. Which means those of us throwing money into the stock market now are either tremendously wise for taking advantage of the current situation, or are pushing on under blind optimism.

People who trade stocks for a living definitely operate with some kind of aplomb, cuz there's no way that the average person can manage, lest they suffer heart attack after heart attack. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, especially with these ridiculous daily gains and losses every single day, so it's pretty easy to want to sell at the first sign of trouble.

As far back as memory serves, we've been in recessions every 7-10 years. Surely since the cycle is so predictable, we can take advantage of that, right? Buy when others are selling and prices are low, sell when others are buying and prices are high? Isn't that conventional wisdom? I've always thought that the stock market is like a two year old, prone to tantrums when it's sad or scared, happiness and giggling when it gets something it likes.

On a related, yet completely unrelated note, BofA has been calling to pitch this credit monitoring service for months now, and I finally caved in to their 30 day trial. This was 28 days ago, so I called to cancel. Not because I didn't like it, I just didn't want to be charged $13 a month.

It's like a gym membership. Once they take hold, and they have a claw-like grip on you, and they don't let go until you pry their desperate fingers off, one digit at a time.

The three tactics they use:
-First, the endless questions. He was pretty courteous, asking all the standard things.
"Was there anything you didn't like?" "No, I just to opt out."
"Do you already use another service?" "No, I just to opt out."
"Is there anything we can do to improve..." "No, I just to opt out."
(Internal monologue: Poor poor fellow, he's probably gotten to the point where we repeats this script in his sleep.)
-Two, the tough guy approach. Spouting off statistics about identity theft, warning that it happened to him, it could happen to you. You have good credit now, don't like anyone ruin it, since it could happen to you. 900 millions incidents of blah-blah-blah, especially during the holidays, so it could happen to you... Stores aren't making as much money, they'll sell all of your private data, and it'll happen to you... You hear it in the news, so it will happen to YOU. I stayed silent during his entire 10 minute spiel, just figured that the more he talks, the more he's just wasting his time. (Internal monologue: God, this guy is desperate. Oooo, look! A bird just flew by the window... Is he done talking yet? Hmmm, I'm kinda hungry. Can't he just shut up now?)
-Three, the clingy friend trying to guilt you into not dumping him. Giving away concessions and all that stuff. "Would it help if it was $8.99 a month instead?" Frankly, sometimes it just turns me off, the more they push, the more they try to persuade. (Internal monologue: Good, he's almost done talking.)

It's not that I don't want to protect my credit. I mean, I take all the little steps needed to make sure that my info is protected, like shredding sensitive documents and not freely giving away my social security number (by the way, it's 555-12-3456).

This sorta reminds me of Lisa's Tiger-Repellant Rock.
Homer: “Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol is working like a charm!”
Lisa: “That’s specious reasoning, dad ... By your logic, I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.”
H: “Hmm, how does it work?”
L: “It doesn’t work, it’s just a stupid rock!”
H: “Uh-huh.”
L: “… but I don’t see any tigers around, do you?”
H: “Lisa, I want to buy your rock…”

Oh man, Simpsons taught me everything I know about life. Too bad they don't make them like they used to.