"I'd like to have a boyfriend like you."

I've heard that on more than one occasion, and don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the kind words. Yet something about that sentence bugs me almost to the point of amusement, and I'm not sure why. Well, I think I do, at least. Please tell me I'm wrong.

It's that there has got to be some shrieking subtext behind that sentence. As if the inner monologue was saying, "I'd like to have a boyfriend/girlfriend like you, BUT..."

But what? Let's play fill in the blank. But not to worry, I'll make it multiple choice so that it will be easy. Just like those LS midterms (grrr).

So here we go. In order to answer the question, please read through i-xvi, and choose a letter between a and p that best completes the following sentence:

"I'd like to have a boyfriend/girlfriend like you, but...":

i) You smell like feet.
ii) You sound like you've swallowed a frog.
iii) I'm not allowed to date until I'm married.
iv) You have troll's hair.
v) You're too short.
vi) You're too tall.
vii) You're too nice.
viii) You're not nice enough.
ix) Your eyebrows look kinda funny.
x) You've got big feet.
xi) You're too ugly.
xii) You dress funny.
xiii) I bent my Wookie.
xiv) Uh, were you just first-basin' it with that piece of loose-leaf?!
xv) My hair is tired.
xvi) Oh no! You shanked my jengaship!

a) I only
b) II, VII and XI
c) IV only
d) VI and XII
e) VIII, XIV and XVI
f) III, V, IX, XII and XV
g) I and VII
h) VIII, IX and XIII
i) VI, VIII and XIV
j) I, II, III, IV and V
k) VI, VII, VIII and X but not IX
l) VIX VIII XIV
m) IXVIIXVIXVIXIVX
n) XI only
o) All of the above
p) None of the above